11 Months

I’m trying something new. I’m in Broadcasting right now, writing on Microsoft Word, which I’ll save this, put it on my flash drive, then upload it to my Microsoft word on my computer and upload it to Blogger. AHAH. Good idea huh?

Right now, the text is at 8 which is like a quarter portion of my nail. It’s so small. The actual window is half size and on the corner of the screen. Being discreet as FUCK.

This morning B picked me up. Music and heat hovered in the car when I opened the door. Perfect for such a cold bitter morning. And seeing B’s face made it all the better. We stopped at Sheetz and I got a coffee, also perfect for a cold bitter morning. We made our way to school and the sun blared so heavily both of us could barely see. We got to school and parked and wouldn’t you know- BY just got there with A and they were just getting out of the car. B pulled in and parked next to them. I wasn’t done with my coffee so I couldn’t go into school yet (another dumb rule our idiotic sack of shit school has). B told BK and A to sit in the car for a bit while I sipped. We went it at the bell and first period I did this really difficult shit I couldn’t do for my life last year. We got notes, then an assignment. What I didn’t notice till half way through was the fact I was blazing through them. I don’t know how I understand it now, but I do. It feels pretty good to say that and even better to actually look at the equations and see possibility. Just wow. It blows my mind literally.

Second period English was better than usual because I kept finding things to do. First we had a test which I wasn’t here for two stories the test was on, but I think I somehow did decent. I know I passed. Then we did vocabulary and I read a bit and talked to BH most of the free time.

Then lunch, and now of course-Broadcasting.

The whole therapy session with my mom, I’m not going to get down into detail explaining it because it’s too annoying to go back to. She talked most of the time, cried a lot, and we left with what my therapist said to do- “Start by taking small steps. Try texting everyday just to keep each other in the loop. Say what’s going on, what you’re going to do for the day or what you already did. So far so good.

My mom gave me another ring when I saw her. It’s ugly but..she has the same one and she described it as a bond thing so I’m wearing it. Three rings now all from her which occupy my left pointer finger and thumb, and my right pointer finger. I never was able to write with a right thumb ring..too annoying..

My mom might have gotten me a job. A job I had before but left on iffy terms. I never picked up my schedule (I didn’t know I was supposed to I thought they’d call me or something but it didn’t work, In ever quit I just didn’t get in contact at all and I just.. stopped working. Lmfao.

Catering. I used to work with my mom doing catering but that work was so slow. I got into the new place and the amount of food they wasted made me feel sick and disgusted. Perfectly good untouched food thrown away, they wouldn’t even let the employees have it. Like okay, I realize the health issues and suing but when it’s in the same condition you give it to the customer in, and you throw it away? That’s fucking sick. In the bad way. But I’ll go back, I love catering so much. One of the best jobs I’d say. I love serving and being constantly running around at a wedding or party or dance. Thumbs are crossed right now.

B got a job at his stepdads office, lolol. He’s working tonight. But he’s taking me home after school which is so good because my stomach. Is killing me. My lower stomach.

I’ll write more later, I don’t feel comfortable sharing explicit things on a school computer..feels funny.

Howdy do, I'm now sitting on my couch. It's 8:36 and B just left. He randomly stopped by after work to see me. :'] Today's our 11 month anniversary. <3 One more month and it's already a year. We walked around a square of houses and talked a little, the moon is beauteous. Crescent, glowing silver, surrounded by a lake of stars. I'm waiting for an ocean, but I don't really see that anymore sadly. The moon tonight reminded me of my tattoo I asked my dad about. I'm getting it soon, I just need to talk to the artist to sketch it up for me.

Anyway, today in Broadcasting, what I was uncomfortable typing:

Last night me and B hung out and how do I explain this.. There's a device for smoking and it's called a vaporizer. It doesn't burn the weed like a pipe does, there's no smoke. So the weed is left over and we used all the weed that was smoked previously from the vape and we had a bowl. When you get high it's like getting smacked on both sides of your face, and right in the middle. It was such a hard high. Like it smacked you on both sides of your face but there was an empty middle. I was so exhausted and high without the full intensity, something was missing and it was in how I saw and heard things. It wasn't as dreamy. It was just really different. We layed there and watched Little Nicky and I could not keep my eyes open, I almost fell asleep.

Then I went home and had a snack. It's so easy to overeat when you're high cause food is delicious and you always feel hungry. I'm getting better at controlling it though.

I struggled through putting a bunch of stuff away and a shower and making my lunch for the next day blah blah. Horrible. I don't remember the last time I was that tired.

Offtopic- I really want to write a book. I just keep thinking about it. I have ideas but I just feel hopeless. It's like getting dressed in the morning..

Ugh.