Today

Today is a depressing day. 

Not just because of the weather, it's been pouring all day. And I mean pouring.

I woke up at my normal 5am and I just couldn't keep my eyes open so I did one of those, "I'm just gonna close my eyes and lay here for a second but I won't fall back asleep." And of course, I was on the very edge of being completely asleep when my phone alarm went off for 5:10am. (I set the phone alarm because the dickheads around here have been messing with the power cords since the power outage I wrote about in a previous blog and the power goes out periodically and I'm paranoid my alarm clock will get fucked). 

I got ready and I planned last night to wear a skirt but this morning I wanted to dress borderline scummy and be totally comfortable because..well I don't know I was just in the mood. Perhaps the fact of being upset, being tired and wanting to snuggle back up under the sheets, and the weather.

I tried on these old baggy black pants I wore last year but for some odd reason, they're like falling off now. Which I don't understand..

So I settled for my Converses, tan skinnies, and a Jack Skellington pullover (which I got a lot of compliments on today), and straight hair.

Better get this out of the way for future references- first, I get up at 5 to avoid any possible panic attack possibilities. I have to:

Get dressed- 20 minutes to 45 minutes.

Do my hair- 10 to 15 minutes.

Do my makeup- 10 minutes.

Jewelry, deodorant, perfume, all the little essentials- 5 minutes.

Have breakfast- 20 minutes.

Get my lunch ready- 5 to 10 minutes.

Thaaat's my jolly list of the reason I have to get up two hours sooner because my bus comes at 7 but I have to walk up at 6:50 because.. that bitch likes to come like 5 minutes earlier.

Second, our highschool runs on a "block schedule." It means instead of having 8 periods a day like most schools, we have 2 Semesters. Each semester we have 4 periods a day. So we get all our 8 periods, just at different times of the year, the first and second half. I hope that's understandable.

So my schedule for this semester is Algebra IK (which is actually Algebra 2 but the idiots renamed it), then I have English III, Lunch, Broadcasting 2, and US History II. 

So first period, my teacher was absent and we had a test on simplifying expressions and I'm admittedly getting the hang of it somehow..I was expecting to fail math because of it. But I have a feeling I'm going to get there soon. The substitute was a fucking dimwit (I had him for Broadcasting last week and he was walking around whistling and threw his water bottle in the air and it landed on me and he like panicked and I'm like dude chill I'm not gonna rat you out) but I hate sitting there during a class and not doing anything, and I ended up doing that for like 45 minutes.. I tried to take as long as I could on the test. I spent the rest of the time reading Emily the Strange: Stranger and Stranger. Emily is what you could call a heavy interest, not so much an obsession. She's been so for years.

Second period was English, BH was late cause she had a orthodontist appointment. OH YEAH, guess what? I have TWO classes with die-hard I was mentioning in my previous, more recent blog. Hah. The seat next to mine was empty and our classroom is basically all computers. We had to go on this website to do a test and since that computer was free and die-hard didn't have a seat with a computer, guess who sat next to me. And guess who talked about drugs the whole time to his friends (behind him) like he always does. Yup, die-hard. He sat there and I didn't even shake like I used to. If I still felt how I did about him when he sat next to me, I would have had a panic attack, no lie.  I ignored him, even though I'm pretty sure he tried asking me something. Hahahaha fuck you die-hard. We had to copy notes after the test, and his computer wouldn't open them, so guess who got fucked into sharing a screen with him. Yup, again.

BH came in around when half the period was over. I went to the back of the room with her and we sat at die-hards table and talked. I vented a bit about B. I feel like he's not excited to be around me anymore.. I don't know. I'm just kind of dead about it now. Like fuck it, I can't change it. I'll just sit here and take it until he realizes what the fuck he's doing.

After that was lunch, which I have with B and BH and all of B's friends. It's really fun actually. There's two kids who sit there and I'm really 'fuck it' when I talk, like I just don't care. And they call me awesome for being so open, "Most girls would never admit/say that." Then they'd turn to B and be like, "Dude your girlfriend's awesome." It makes me feel unbelievably good. Basically being on the same level as guys and being accepted like one. I’ll explain lunch more at another time.

B kept asking me all day if anything was wrong, did my stomach bother me, am I tired- anything that would explain the way I was acting, quiet and..monotone. I told him to no all, even though my stomach has been being nothing but a bitch anymore.

I think he got the hint.

After lunch was Broadcasting where I worked on a script of a segment I do called “Book It” where I talk about really good books I’ve read and make them seem interesting, because everyone else on our tv station sucks. I’m doing this one on Some Girls Are by Courtney Summers, I’m totally in love with that authors words. She’s pure genius. Then I edited my pictures of Ground Zero for a photography competition that’s coming up. Mr. P said they’re really good but the other kids in this competition are professional as fuck, so I’ve decided to take a photography camera home and do it more pro-like. Mr. P even said we’re going to get a crash course on photography because I mentioned it. He’s an awesome teacher, the kind whose more your friend than a teacher, the kind you can curse around and talk to.

After Broadcasting I went to History where we watched a movie on presidents and had to list 3 facts on each one. He did that only because he was sick and didn’t want to talk basically. The movie was actually interesting, I was just too tired to watch a movie. I kept nodding off.

My dad picked me up from school in the pouring rain (I’m glad he got home early from trucking, otherwise I would have been literally drenched halfway to walking to my bus).

I went home and ate and now I’m in the car with my mom on the way to the therapist finishing this up on Microsoft Word because I know later I won’t want to finish this. I do that a lot, start a blog then don’t finish it because something gets in the way or I feel too overwhelmed with words. I just figured earlier that I wouldn’t want to talk to my mom and I would be sitting here bored when I could be writing my thoughts down so.. yeah I’m glad I brought my laptop.

But yeah, I’ll either write about how oh so wonderful this goes either later or tomorrow.

I want a good decaf coffee right now..this rain makes me crave it. (Even though I always crave it).