Getting Informed and NYC

Friday, my mom picked me up around 2:30pm. I stepped outside and got in her car. Opening the door and seeing her, it felt like something in my head warped. It was crazy. Like I was smashed into a reality I already knew, but I wasn't in that reality before I saw her. I got in the car and quickly went to hug her. Both of us red eyes, tearing up. A big warm hug, the ones I missed. I said, "I missed you," and she says it back. Her voice. I missed it so much.

We drove and talked, some silent pauses. I found out she shut off my phone because when I went there to pack my stuff and she came in (mentioned in a previous blog), I had my iphone with me (the service was off) and I was checking it for a list of stuff I wanted to remember to get. Well, my iphone happened to connect to the wifi and I got spammed with imessages. It was vibrating like fuck and so my mom thought I got a new phone and didn't need mine. I know she should have asked first but it gives me some kind of peace in my head knowing it wasn't just to spite me or be a bitch. I understand how it made sense in her head. Also, the locks. She said she changed them because she wanted me to go to her directly instead of trying to go around her. Stupid, in my opinion, but again- I can see how it made sense in her head.
We went to Barnes&Noble, got there and looked around. I saw a million potential books but I picked up two, one of which had me way more excited. Emily the Strange is on 3 posters on my wall, I have notebooks and other small things of her. I'm not obsessed she's just an awesome figure and the books are even better. I have Emily the Strange: The Lost Days. Barnes&Noble never had any Emily the Strange books. I only found that one in 8th grade (almost 3 years ago) on a bottom shelf, only copy. So I lucked out there. When we went there, I found Emily the Strange: Piece of Mind. I cannot fucking wait to dig into this one. I had that book and another book called CLEAN. It's by the author of one of my top 3 favorite books: BEAUTIFUL. It's all about teenage, preteen druggies and it gives extremely interesting, out there thoughts that I can relate to myself (Not the drug thoughts, the other thoughts). I never knew she had other books so I was holding onto that one. In my mind though, Emily the Strange still won. I just wanted to see if my mom would get me them both cause CLEAN is only 10$. I also have my eye on 50 Shades of Grey, I've heard a slew of good shit and I'm definitely going to read the series at some point soon.
We walked in the back by the craft books (my mom's into that stuff) and she got a big book to look at. We sat down in the attached Starbucks and I got a small coffee (for the first time in forever) and she got a tea. We sat down and started talking. She told me all about the divorce and stuff my dad did. I asked her what I wanted to know: How was I after the divorce? She said happy. Everyone was happier. She told me the tension in the house before the divorce was so bad, there's no way I couldn't have felt it. After talking through all of that, finally being cleared a bit more, I realize I'm the lucky one in the house. I was too young for it to affect me as much as it affected my brothers and my parents. I feel bad for them but it also makes me feel good for have the privilege of  being more unaffected.
We left around 5:30pm, me getting Emily the Strange (which is now sitting on my nightstand waiting). She took me back to my dads and I had supper and we went up to Walmart to get some food and such for the next day. The next day was Saturday, the day I went to NYC with B and his mom and stepfather. I won't go on and on about NYC (even though I could) but I can't describe my love for that city.
Times Square is pure magic. The atmosphere, the life. I could write a novel about it. Central Park. Even parts that aren't heavily populated, it's just beauty. I've been there once before, last year on September 10th (a day before my birthday) I was..mesmerized.
Anyway, Friday night I cooked up some food, cut up so fruit, heated some veggies- and took them in a lunch pale for the trip. I went to bed around 1:30am but didn't fall asleep till around 3am (not because of excitement, I just couldn't). I woke up at 6:21am the next morning (thumbs up for the time I set on my alarm). I got dressed and ate breakfast and got my stuff ready. They picked me up at 8:30am and we were on our way (I woke up so early to avoid rush feeling which would lead to a panic attack).
We got to a train in NJ that would take us to NYC. We parked the car, I put some food in his moms backpack, and we left on the train. Getting off near the freedom tower, we walked into Chinatown (my first time ever) and..holy shit. I wanted to go there for the longest time. The shops, the restaurants, the buildings, the people. I loved it (I love the Chinese culture in general so that's why it was so great..hah the irony my boyfriends half Chinese Asian [no I'm not going out with him just cause that fact]).
The first thing they did was go to a big restaurant I can't remember the name of. But the size was..holy shit. Like 3 of our school cafeteria's. They come around with carts with food in these wooden bowls and if you want it, you just take it off the cart. They had a small buffet you walk up to as well. Me and B sat there while his mom and stepfather started eating. Nothing appealed to us until they put a plate of pork with some kind of dressing on it on the table and B took a piece, then another. This is the part that got me. He kept begging me to take a taste..and he knows me. He knows how much I hate that. It didn't bother Ed as much as it bothered me. He kept saying it and saying it and his parents got to the point where they just looked at me. Everytime I'd say no, no thanks. Politely, jokingly, lightly. Not defensively. He still didn't stop pestering me..He put a piece on my plate and I kept trying to joke around with the chopsticks but he still went back to trying it. A pleading look on his face I'm thinking, "What the fuck is it about this one teeny piece of pork that I don't want is so good you're sitting here begging me in front of your parents and being so persistent about it?" I ended up taking a bite of it. It was so loaded with fat, I couldn't even bite it off the small bone it was on. The pieces got stuck in my teeth, and I put it down and immediately was like, "Ew dude, that's gross." Finally he couldn't say anything because I tried it. Now, it wasn't Ed talking about the pork. It was me. I didn't want it, there was other stuff that looked better that I still wouldn't have had because it was not appealing. The food I brought was like royal looking food compared...And I love Chinese food. Just not what they had..
After, his stepfather got something called Bubbly Tea. I never heard of it but when I went in there I said to B, "This is like the Starbucks for Chinese people." Because that's basically what it was. Walking around Chinatown, a bunch of them had one in their hand. His stepfather offered for me to try it and if I liked it he'd get me one. Well, looking at it- it had texture and color. Which meant there was something other than tea in there. Looked like milk, maybe sugar, whatever else. Tapioca was at the bottom, little black balls of something I never tried before. I don't even know what it is, a candy, a fruit? How many calories? All these questions come to mind with no answer, Ed couldn't take that. So I said no thanks.
And here we go again, B on me. "Try it please just a sip please." I said no over and over.. I kept telling him no. I walked out of the store to stand by his mom but he grabbed my arm and kept begging me to get one of my own. Over..and over. But before I said no thanks for good about getting one of my own, I tried the tea. It was odd tasting and I didn't really love it, so it was easier to say no. But as we left and the taste settled in my mouth, I started wanting one. I mentioned it later and we went back. I said I'd only get one if B shared it and he said he would. But his stepfather walked out with two, one strawberry and one jasmine (the kind I tried) the strawberry he handed to me and the other he handed to B. I tried the strawberry, it was good but I wanted the jasmine. B said he didn't like the jasmine, so we switched. I sipped and got some tapioca balls. They were chewy and good. I kept letting myself worry about what I was taking in and I told B, "Tell me to relax." And he did.
So I sipped and enjoyed more and more as I kept sipping. We got down into the subway and B said he didn't like his, so I tried it again before he threw it out. It was amazing. After a small fight in my head I won with little argue, I took the almost full strawberry and gave B my a little more than half drank jasmine one to throw away. Oodles of extra calories probably, but who cares. I could let myself just once. After that it felt like a whole new door opened and now I can treat myself and add more.
I was stuck there for a bit, not moving forward. The drink took me into an unknown territory, an empty dead territory I have to nurture, feed and grow. The drink was the flashlight that made black territory known. Odd way to talk about a stupid drink but whatever, that's how my mind sees it.
This blog is getting too hard to write in detail because I'm squirming so I'm going to go on in a little less detail, don't mind.
After all that, we took a Subway to Times Square. We walked around and his parents went in a huge Foot Locker..not my thing. They were looking at running shoes. Sure, I'm a girl and I love shoes and I had money but Foot Locker=Overpriced and I'm going school shopping anyway this weekend so..
After we left we went to Central Park and got drawn by a street artist. Oh. My. God. Awesomest drawing EVER.

 That's me and B. The hilarious part is we weren't even standing. We were sitting there, his arm around my back and my hand holding his near my waist.

And the drawing actually has resemblance to us, it just amazes me.
After that we walked around the outside of the zoo and went back to Chinatown because B and his mom were complaining of sore knees, feet, back blah blah so we walked around Chinatown a bit then left. We left pretty early which was a disappointment. His mom told my dad we'd do a shitload more including a Broadway show (I saw an advertisement on a bus when we were there of Chicago on Broadway and I almost lost my mind). Awe well..I'm going back for my birthday. But not Times Square. I'll talk more about it after the trip.
I stayed over B's that night, with my dad knowing. I told him, "His mom invited me to just stay over when we get back because the later we leave, the later we can stay." Which his mom didn't say, I just made up. And he was like, "I suppose, yeah." He wasn't against it or wanting to call his mom he was just like yep..I'm debating asking him about sleeping over again but I'm not sure. I don't want to spoil anything. Something to think about, I guess.
Anyway, B got a vaporizer on his vacation to NJ (him and his friends got everything, a bowl, a bong and a vape). Vapes. Are. Godsend. No smoke, no smell, no sick feeling. The way it works is it just gives you the THC from the weed and none of the other chemicals that make you feel sick (like I describe in some of my blogs). We got really high and watched Coraline, my all time favorite movie because Paranorman is coming out this Friday and we're going to see it and I told him he has to see Coraline before Paranorman. Stop animation is insane when you're high like holy shit..It was fucked uply amazing. :D
We went to bed around 3 or so. His parents were really.. really loud in the morning. I was so exhausted from having two hours of sleep the night before, walking around NYC, and getting high. His mom was cooking- pots and pans, beating meat to cook. Banging around, sweeping, dogs barking, getting stuff ready for his cousins to stay in the next room...Ugh. I gave up with the most heavy eyes at 11 and woke up. B was still beat so he layed in bed and I went outside on his deck and ate my breakfast. I came back in and we layed there for a bit, then my dad came and got me. I drove home (more stuff on that in next blog). I was too tired to do anything so I literally layed around all day. No walk just the yearning to go to bed.
I'm going to the therapist tonight. I'll write another blog later tonight on what went on yesterday and how the session went.