A nectarine, two apples, a pear, a shit ton of grapes and like a cup and a half of raspberries. Earlier, yogurt, a banana, a nectarine, a pear, raspberries and a bunch of grapes.
I'm exhausted and it feels like a bowling ball is in my lower right abdomen..and it looks that way too. Hard. My skin is tight. When I breathe, I feel like someone is sitting on my lungs. My stomach is sticking out. I'm the definition of uncomfortable. I want to cut my midsection out and get rid of this excruciating discomfort..
I want to clear my body of all the food I ate and all the stuff waiting to leave but not being able to. I want to feel comfortable and eat good. Tomorrow I won't binge. I think I'm going to feel sick tomorrow. Not in the mood. But who knows, I used to binge on a fuckload more every single night during school for a long time there. I hate bingeing but today was just..I was setting myself up for it. Ever since last night and this morning I woke up with the desire to do nothing but binge. I had to hold off at bingeing on real food every meal. Then night strikes and the fruit comes out.
The aftermath of this binge was different. I came in my room and left the lights off. Grabbed my blanket and sat down and covered my legs. I want to feel covered right now. Enveloped in something.. Comforted. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of tight skin and discomfort. I'm sick of living in pain and fear and constant planning and worry about my diet. I want to fucking LIVE.
I fucking despise to the bottom of hell binge eating and starving. I. FUCKING. DESPISE. IT.
I'm exhausted and it feels like a bowling ball is in my lower right abdomen..and it looks that way too. Hard. My skin is tight. When I breathe, I feel like someone is sitting on my lungs. My stomach is sticking out. I'm the definition of uncomfortable. I want to cut my midsection out and get rid of this excruciating discomfort..
I want to clear my body of all the food I ate and all the stuff waiting to leave but not being able to. I want to feel comfortable and eat good. Tomorrow I won't binge. I think I'm going to feel sick tomorrow. Not in the mood. But who knows, I used to binge on a fuckload more every single night during school for a long time there. I hate bingeing but today was just..I was setting myself up for it. Ever since last night and this morning I woke up with the desire to do nothing but binge. I had to hold off at bingeing on real food every meal. Then night strikes and the fruit comes out.
The aftermath of this binge was different. I came in my room and left the lights off. Grabbed my blanket and sat down and covered my legs. I want to feel covered right now. Enveloped in something.. Comforted. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of tight skin and discomfort. I'm sick of living in pain and fear and constant planning and worry about my diet. I want to fucking LIVE.
I fucking despise to the bottom of hell binge eating and starving. I. FUCKING. DESPISE. IT.
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