I'm Done

I'm done. I'm sitting here crying harder than I have in the longest time. I feel it. I feel the pain, I feel the hurt. I feel the love. I feel the emptiness. Sobs..over and over. I'm trying to keep them as silent as possible. All I want to do is cry and whine while I cry. Like when I was a child and I was upset over small things that wouldn't matter nearly as much now.
I texted my mom simply saying, "Mom, I miss you so much." I tried to hold myself back but I just couldn't. I went through trouble to make sure she wouldn't get my number and I just text her. I don't regret it. I miss her so much. I miss her voice and hugs so fucking much it hurts.
She replied, "Oh baby I miss you too."
I just decided I'm done. I'm done letting in what hurts me and I'm done blocking out what makes me happy. Fuck the things that don't make me happy they're not worth my time or energy. It's time to feel. It's time to stop shoving my emotions back down with food. It's time to stop feeling empty. It's time to start feeling whole again. I need this. I need to stop sabotaging myself. I need to be me and not be afraid. I just hope I can wake up and do it. Stop feeling like a robot and start feeling. It's probably gonna require practice, but I'm willing. I just don't want to do this anymore. I can't live like this. I'm living a dead life.