Breaking Heart

I started another blog but I decided it was too long to finish earlier, so I was going to finish it now until I had to post about something else.
I mentioned in previous blogs about how I have no one but BH, B, and my dad and my brother C. Things have gotten to an all time low. BH and me are through (reason in next blog), me and C don't even talk anymore, I still barely see my dad (but I've been hanging with him all weekend and it fucking rocks), and B..I've lost him. No, not break up but..that's the only way I can really put it. 
He's choosing his friends over me now. He's not making sense. He's not himself. He's not trying in this relationship.

I honestly feel like I'm of no importance to him. I lost my purpose in his life. He actually cancelled on me on Saturday and he hung with his friends. What is that? This is not the guy I fell for.
Everything he's saying and doing is wrong. He's talking to me different. I tell him something and he brushes it off like it's nothing. I'm just getting excuses.
I'm telling him I'll wait while he tries to change problems he's having that are making him that way. I say it every time, that I'll wait. I always meant it. But now..I'm not so sure. This person he's being..isn't someone I want to wait with while he "fixes" himself..because I've learned each time..nothing gets fixed. It gets bottled up. He refused to talk to me about problems since day 1, then we go through periods where we lash out or he does something and we have to get in depth convo about it. Always promises anymore. Then those promises are broken.
It's not just the promises that are breaking.. my hearts going along with it.
I love this kid more than anything but I don't know what else to do.
So I'm going to try something. I used food tonight to comfort me (yeah thanks a fuckload for getting in there before I could Ed), but I was thinking of another idea that may work.
I'm going to list everything I know about myself. Then I'm going to list what I've known about myself in the past..see how I've changed. I'm going to try to get to know myself.
I feel like everything about me revolves around B, he's my kickstand. That shouldn't be how it is. I should be my kickstand. If he pulls another breakup or if something happens because he's not trying like he hasn't been, I need to be able to stand on my own. I decided I couldn't live without him if we broke up, he told me the same. I can tell now he lied. He tried breaking up, and now he's giving up.
But the fact is, if we broke up, I will still be here. I sadly won't suddenly die because I lost my reason to live. But now I'm finding a point to life, even though I haven't found a reason for that point. It just feels like too much to not play with. The world is a playground. I want to play in the mud and fly through the clouds before my time is up. Life is a precious thing. You just have to know how to handle it.