I had a bad day and it just got worse with a binge. Lovely.
First, I wake up for good at 11:20am, having gotten yet another horrible nights sleep somehow. Considering I was exhausted yesterday from shit sleep the night before, I should have slept good last night. But instead I woke up god knows how many times, I don't even know if I can say I slept. I was either awake or drifting. I don't think I actually fell asleep. That happens a lot actually but last night it was just what the fuck. Then I go to the kitchen for breakfast, get out the egg whites and I only have like a tablespoon left, so that fucked my breakfast. I ended up having a piece of bread with a small Activia vanilla yogurt (cause I was out of Chobani, we were out of like everything) and an apple. A small, unfilling as fuck breakfast. Then I go in my room and decide to hang up my posters. I get the dust all wiped off and I look at my walls and decide I can't do shit until my dresser is set up cause I don't know where my mirror is going.
I didn't want to talk to anyone at all today. I didn't turn on my phone when I woke up (which still has no service but I'm using texting with wifi) because I didn't wanna talk to B. I just needed to be alone in my head today (last thing I honestly need, I know). My last resort was watching the new episodes I have set to record from Monday and Tuesday. But it was around 12:30 and I didn't want B to wonder where the fuck I was or why I wasn't responding to his good morning (which was waiting for me on my phone when I turned it on). I came on my laptop and talked to him..sounding unintentionally uninterested. I was just so annoyed and tired and I didn't want to bother sitting here or using my head to think of words to say.
I got off my laptop, at lunch closer to 2 which was a hot dog on a piece of bread and broccoli. Then I watched a few new episodes and went back and forth from my room to the living room on my laptop and off. I told B how I was feeling today. Explaining it might be pms or just exhaustion. He understood like the amazing boyfriend he is. My dad came home and we went out and got my new small dresser, lightbulbs for my lava lamp, a mirror for the dresser, a set of plastic drawers to put in my closet for my clothes, and a zebra comforter. All I need are curtains and I'm all set.
We got back and it was 7, I didn't eat since lunch. I wasn't thinking about food I for some reason kind of went into restrict mode. Not like forcing myself, just not thinking about eating. Like it didn't feel important. So I had a pear with two pieces of bread and Chobani yogurt. Then I windexed my drawers and put them in my closet. Going through my room in a rage because nothing is in its place.
My dad went to bed at 8 and I went for a walk. Walking somehow faster than usual, anger. Just anger. I was so fucking angry and I needed to walk to keep from ripping my hair out.
I got back and took a shower and cleaned up a little and sat down at my laptop for a bit. Until about two hours ago when I thought I should eat something because today my diet was horrible. Too little calories, too much fruit.
I go to the kitchen. One big apple with some raspberries. No big deal. Then the plum Then the pear. Then another plum. Then another small apple. Then another plum. Then another plum. Then another pear. The skin around my stomach is tight. I feel even more tired from all of it. Disgusted. I want to go to the bathroom but I can't.
So today's report. Shitty sleep, shitty mood, shitty diet, and wrap it up with a binge and tight skin. Fucking GREAT.
Hope everyone else had a better day than me.
At least tomorrow I get to see B, sleepover and smoke tons of weed and live in music for the night.
That's something that makes today bearable.
Ugh I'm laying on my bed now because I can't sit at my desk.. skins too tight.
First, I wake up for good at 11:20am, having gotten yet another horrible nights sleep somehow. Considering I was exhausted yesterday from shit sleep the night before, I should have slept good last night. But instead I woke up god knows how many times, I don't even know if I can say I slept. I was either awake or drifting. I don't think I actually fell asleep. That happens a lot actually but last night it was just what the fuck. Then I go to the kitchen for breakfast, get out the egg whites and I only have like a tablespoon left, so that fucked my breakfast. I ended up having a piece of bread with a small Activia vanilla yogurt (cause I was out of Chobani, we were out of like everything) and an apple. A small, unfilling as fuck breakfast. Then I go in my room and decide to hang up my posters. I get the dust all wiped off and I look at my walls and decide I can't do shit until my dresser is set up cause I don't know where my mirror is going.
I didn't want to talk to anyone at all today. I didn't turn on my phone when I woke up (which still has no service but I'm using texting with wifi) because I didn't wanna talk to B. I just needed to be alone in my head today (last thing I honestly need, I know). My last resort was watching the new episodes I have set to record from Monday and Tuesday. But it was around 12:30 and I didn't want B to wonder where the fuck I was or why I wasn't responding to his good morning (which was waiting for me on my phone when I turned it on). I came on my laptop and talked to him..sounding unintentionally uninterested. I was just so annoyed and tired and I didn't want to bother sitting here or using my head to think of words to say.
I got off my laptop, at lunch closer to 2 which was a hot dog on a piece of bread and broccoli. Then I watched a few new episodes and went back and forth from my room to the living room on my laptop and off. I told B how I was feeling today. Explaining it might be pms or just exhaustion. He understood like the amazing boyfriend he is. My dad came home and we went out and got my new small dresser, lightbulbs for my lava lamp, a mirror for the dresser, a set of plastic drawers to put in my closet for my clothes, and a zebra comforter. All I need are curtains and I'm all set.
We got back and it was 7, I didn't eat since lunch. I wasn't thinking about food I for some reason kind of went into restrict mode. Not like forcing myself, just not thinking about eating. Like it didn't feel important. So I had a pear with two pieces of bread and Chobani yogurt. Then I windexed my drawers and put them in my closet. Going through my room in a rage because nothing is in its place.
My dad went to bed at 8 and I went for a walk. Walking somehow faster than usual, anger. Just anger. I was so fucking angry and I needed to walk to keep from ripping my hair out.
I got back and took a shower and cleaned up a little and sat down at my laptop for a bit. Until about two hours ago when I thought I should eat something because today my diet was horrible. Too little calories, too much fruit.
I go to the kitchen. One big apple with some raspberries. No big deal. Then the plum Then the pear. Then another plum. Then another small apple. Then another plum. Then another plum. Then another pear. The skin around my stomach is tight. I feel even more tired from all of it. Disgusted. I want to go to the bathroom but I can't.
So today's report. Shitty sleep, shitty mood, shitty diet, and wrap it up with a binge and tight skin. Fucking GREAT.
Hope everyone else had a better day than me.
At least tomorrow I get to see B, sleepover and smoke tons of weed and live in music for the night.
That's something that makes today bearable.
Ugh I'm laying on my bed now because I can't sit at my desk.. skins too tight.
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