Peter Pan

I was laying on my couch watching Return to Neverland last night. A long time loved movie. I relate heavily with Jane, Wendy's daughter. She's stubborn and she can laugh but she's in a rush to grow up. Always referring to imagination as "childish nonsense." As a child, I was always like that. I would wear small plastic heels and want to play with makeup and wear my moms clothes. I wanted to grow up. Find love, drive, have boobs, be able to wear makeup and wear real heels and grow up and be independent. Of course, what child didn't? It always makes me cry because I relate heavily with Jane and there's a song that breaks me down and always has.

I am not a child now
I can take care of myself
I mustn't let them down now
Mustn't let them see me cry
I'm fine, I'm fine

I'm too tired to listen
I'm too old to believe
All these childish stories
There is no such thing as faith
And trust and pixie dust

I try
But it's so hard to believe
I try
But I can't see what you see
I try, I try, I try...

My whole world is changing
I don't know where to turn
I can't leave you waiting
But I can't stay and watch this city burn
Watch it burn

'Cause I try
But it's so hard to believe
I try
But I can't see what you see
I try, I try

I try and try to understand
The distance in between
The love I feel and the things I fear
And every single dream

I can finally see it
Now I have to believe
All those precious stories
All the world is made of...
Faith, and trust... and pixie dust

So, I'll try
Because I finally believe
I'll try, cuz I can see what you see
I'll try, I'll try

I will try
I'll try...
To fly

When I hear that song I always relate to the lyrics. They only play a small part of the song in the movie so I usually end up looking up the lyrics.
I was reading over them last night and an idea hit me.
My life is Peter Pan right now.
My current self is Wendy. All grown up.
My inner child is Jane because of what I said in the first paragraph.
Captain Hook is my eating disorders. Always trying to kill me.
The crocodile is my nutritionist because the crocodile bites hooks hand off. And now when Hook touches me with his hook, its the fear of adding in new food and how my body will change.
The octopus is my therapist because the octopus eventually kills Hook.
Peter Pan is a mix of my imagination and determination and forever child.
Tinkerbell is the perfectionist because she's just a little bitch in all the movies, always trying to hog Peter for herself.
Smee is my inner voice. Always being silenced by Hook.

Before I even pieced all of that together, my mind was alight with the fact Peter Pan is my life. Then I thought it out and I'm like wow. It really is.
So now this just gives me more motive. To finish the Pan story and live in Neverland, letting my inner child and old self run free. Swim with the mermaids, fly through the clouds. Laugh, play, live.

How I feel most of the time.

I want to resolve things with Mrs. Perfectionist.

I want to be free.

I want to tell Hook no.