Long time, no write. I'm sure it seems like I'm neglecting this blog when in fact, I'm not. Shit keeps shoving itself in the way somehow. So prepare for another interesting story.
Thursday night, as I said two blogs ago, I was going to sleepover B's (parentless). I told my dad I'm sleeping over these twins who he's met a few times since he knows I'm not talking to my mom, so I can't just say I'm staying over there anymore. It was a little trickier to plan this one but I'm a really good excuse/story maker. Thinking of something to say before hand or on the spot. Which sadly makes me a good liar. So I told my dad they were either going to get picked up while he was at work, or he'd have to drop me off at the mall and we would hang there for a bit then they'd take me back. When in all reality, you'd replace the "they's" with B. I woke up, ate, took a walk, showered, got all my food ready for B's, then B left around 2:30pm to get me. My dad said the day before it would be "an early day" which indicates he would be home in the range of 1-3:30 from past observations. I knew it would be a very close call for my dad to get home before B came and picked me up. And wouldn't you know, I looked out the window to check the exact moment my dad was walking up to the door. I look over to the road and see B's car heading down the hill. He drove away because he saw my dad. I texted him and told him to come back. Quick excuse for my dad: He's giving me a ride there and we're all going to go swimming at the twins house because B is friends with one of the twin's boyfriends (he's not).
So be picks me up and we leave. That night was the best sleepover we had yet. We attempted again at what I said we failed at in the 6th paragraph of blog "Small Updates"...and it did not fail this time. But I didn't feel like the actual..action did anything for me. Makes me feel like somethings wrong with me or something...The only reason it didn't fail is because he helped.
Later that night we got high like I said we would. It was different weed. He told me his friends described it as "medicinal" and holy fucking shit it was. That was the best high ever. It wasn't sickly, it didn't give me bad feelings or make my body feel like a deadweight. It was light, fun, beautiful.
We sat there and watched "visualizations" for songs (the trippy graphics) in the dark. It was fucking amazing. I can't even describe it. We went to the park and watched a movie. My dad called around 8:30pm and told me a tree fell on the power lines right next to the apartment building we live in (there was a wicked storm going on) and the power was out. I figured holy shit I'm lucky to be sleeping over here. After that I had a snack and after I was still hungry. Like I could have eaten a ship full of food. That's the first time I actually got the "munchies" feeling. But I didn't. I dealt until Friday morning when I had breakfast. I told B my dad would probably be home earlier so B got paranoid and took me home at around 12pm. I got home around 12:30 and the power was still out, to my surprise. I couldn't heat anything up for lunch so I just had a semi-cold yogurt (the fridge was out) and some fruit. My dad came home at 1:16pm and he was surprised the power was still out, too. I was sitting on the floor putting stuff away into my new mini dresser..trying to get organized. But it was hard to focus. I suggested taking all the food to my grandma's house (she's in a home and my dad watches after her house until it sells because it's in a 'crime' neighborhood) since she had power. He said it was a good idea so we got bags and took everything up to her house (15 minutes away).
I cancelled my plans with the twins and this other girl to hang at the mall because I didn't want to go. With the power out and everything, I just didn't feel like it for some reason. So I used my dad's phone to text and cancel. (All weekend stuck on my dad's cell phone that doesn't have a textboard. Fuck my mom for turning off my service.. BH is dicking me around with paying me back because I had a walmart phone my dad got me and I sold it to her during school. 130$ and she only payed me 30 in school and promised she'd pay the rest when she got her paycheck. She just started working at the end of the school year so I figured I could wait a week after school ended. But a week turned into a month..and another. And now I need the money and when my dad took me to pick it up yesterday, she only had fucking 33$? Her excuse was, "My cell phone bill is outrageous." Yeah it's because you have an iphone now you dumbfuck and you just spent my dad's fucking money to pay for something I need-cell service. Actually no, a cell phone. My dad won't pay an iphone bill of 120$ a month so walmart is the only way. And I'm fine with that. I just need the fucking money.)
So we get to my grandma's put the stuff away, then have supper. Which was awesome. I sat down and ate for the first time in a long time with my dad. No TV, just the sound of lips smacking and silverware hitting the plates. I missed that. We used to sit at that table with my grandma and J for amazing supper's my grandma would cook (my dad used to live there for a while after the divorce so on our time with him, we would stay there). Late nights I remember, waffles, hot dogs, snacks with my dad at the table. Midnight..Laughs. Good memories. I ate at ease. I didn't care about him looking at me or watching me eat (he didn't, but if he did it wouldn't matter) which was a weird..refreshing feeling. I sat back and ate like a human. (I've been eating standing up for many months now because J's girlfriend, who had eating issues, told me standing up while eating is better for your stomach cause the food goes directly to it instead of being backed up when you sit, when really all it does is give me painful gas cramps, so fuck that anymore). I started eating sitting down since then and it's better in my opinion.
We went home and found out the power wouldn't be on until 3pm the next day. I freaked. I'd have to sleep with no AC and have nothing to do until bed. I didn't expect to sleep because I thought it'd be too muggy. Me and my dad ended up going to see Step Up Revolution last minute and it was fucking brutally awesome. Best one yet. We came home and had a late night snack at the table by candlelight. Then I took like 10 melatonin and layed on top of my sheets with a small light blanket. To my surprise, there was a nice, cool, non muggy breeze. I slept alright..Better than normal I'd think. Just waking up to pull the small blanket back on.
I woke up the next morning around 10:30am and then I woke my dad up. We went up to my grandma's where I cooked my breakfast and we ate together at the table. After, we went by where BH works to get the money, which flaked as I mentioned earlier..Bitch.
Anyway the power was turned back on around 2:30pm and I screamed when it did (after two days of no power, who wouldn't?). Then me and B made plans to go bowling and swimming after. I mentioned a pool party at 5. Somehow all this got fucked because B was hanging with his friends..so I finished my room instead. Zebra comforter, small dresser and mirror, desk, posters, all set up and to my liking. I went from a flower comforter, bare walls, and a too small vanity to my Tiana-fied room. Now my lava lamp's on and my other lamp is dimmed. Very relaxing setting.
Thursday night, as I said two blogs ago, I was going to sleepover B's (parentless). I told my dad I'm sleeping over these twins who he's met a few times since he knows I'm not talking to my mom, so I can't just say I'm staying over there anymore. It was a little trickier to plan this one but I'm a really good excuse/story maker. Thinking of something to say before hand or on the spot. Which sadly makes me a good liar. So I told my dad they were either going to get picked up while he was at work, or he'd have to drop me off at the mall and we would hang there for a bit then they'd take me back. When in all reality, you'd replace the "they's" with B. I woke up, ate, took a walk, showered, got all my food ready for B's, then B left around 2:30pm to get me. My dad said the day before it would be "an early day" which indicates he would be home in the range of 1-3:30 from past observations. I knew it would be a very close call for my dad to get home before B came and picked me up. And wouldn't you know, I looked out the window to check the exact moment my dad was walking up to the door. I look over to the road and see B's car heading down the hill. He drove away because he saw my dad. I texted him and told him to come back. Quick excuse for my dad: He's giving me a ride there and we're all going to go swimming at the twins house because B is friends with one of the twin's boyfriends (he's not).
So be picks me up and we leave. That night was the best sleepover we had yet. We attempted again at what I said we failed at in the 6th paragraph of blog "Small Updates"...and it did not fail this time. But I didn't feel like the actual..action did anything for me. Makes me feel like somethings wrong with me or something...The only reason it didn't fail is because he helped.
Later that night we got high like I said we would. It was different weed. He told me his friends described it as "medicinal" and holy fucking shit it was. That was the best high ever. It wasn't sickly, it didn't give me bad feelings or make my body feel like a deadweight. It was light, fun, beautiful.
We sat there and watched "visualizations" for songs (the trippy graphics) in the dark. It was fucking amazing. I can't even describe it. We went to the park and watched a movie. My dad called around 8:30pm and told me a tree fell on the power lines right next to the apartment building we live in (there was a wicked storm going on) and the power was out. I figured holy shit I'm lucky to be sleeping over here. After that I had a snack and after I was still hungry. Like I could have eaten a ship full of food. That's the first time I actually got the "munchies" feeling. But I didn't. I dealt until Friday morning when I had breakfast. I told B my dad would probably be home earlier so B got paranoid and took me home at around 12pm. I got home around 12:30 and the power was still out, to my surprise. I couldn't heat anything up for lunch so I just had a semi-cold yogurt (the fridge was out) and some fruit. My dad came home at 1:16pm and he was surprised the power was still out, too. I was sitting on the floor putting stuff away into my new mini dresser..trying to get organized. But it was hard to focus. I suggested taking all the food to my grandma's house (she's in a home and my dad watches after her house until it sells because it's in a 'crime' neighborhood) since she had power. He said it was a good idea so we got bags and took everything up to her house (15 minutes away).
I cancelled my plans with the twins and this other girl to hang at the mall because I didn't want to go. With the power out and everything, I just didn't feel like it for some reason. So I used my dad's phone to text and cancel. (All weekend stuck on my dad's cell phone that doesn't have a textboard. Fuck my mom for turning off my service.. BH is dicking me around with paying me back because I had a walmart phone my dad got me and I sold it to her during school. 130$ and she only payed me 30 in school and promised she'd pay the rest when she got her paycheck. She just started working at the end of the school year so I figured I could wait a week after school ended. But a week turned into a month..and another. And now I need the money and when my dad took me to pick it up yesterday, she only had fucking 33$? Her excuse was, "My cell phone bill is outrageous." Yeah it's because you have an iphone now you dumbfuck and you just spent my dad's fucking money to pay for something I need-cell service. Actually no, a cell phone. My dad won't pay an iphone bill of 120$ a month so walmart is the only way. And I'm fine with that. I just need the fucking money.)
So we get to my grandma's put the stuff away, then have supper. Which was awesome. I sat down and ate for the first time in a long time with my dad. No TV, just the sound of lips smacking and silverware hitting the plates. I missed that. We used to sit at that table with my grandma and J for amazing supper's my grandma would cook (my dad used to live there for a while after the divorce so on our time with him, we would stay there). Late nights I remember, waffles, hot dogs, snacks with my dad at the table. Midnight..Laughs. Good memories. I ate at ease. I didn't care about him looking at me or watching me eat (he didn't, but if he did it wouldn't matter) which was a weird..refreshing feeling. I sat back and ate like a human. (I've been eating standing up for many months now because J's girlfriend, who had eating issues, told me standing up while eating is better for your stomach cause the food goes directly to it instead of being backed up when you sit, when really all it does is give me painful gas cramps, so fuck that anymore). I started eating sitting down since then and it's better in my opinion.
We went home and found out the power wouldn't be on until 3pm the next day. I freaked. I'd have to sleep with no AC and have nothing to do until bed. I didn't expect to sleep because I thought it'd be too muggy. Me and my dad ended up going to see Step Up Revolution last minute and it was fucking brutally awesome. Best one yet. We came home and had a late night snack at the table by candlelight. Then I took like 10 melatonin and layed on top of my sheets with a small light blanket. To my surprise, there was a nice, cool, non muggy breeze. I slept alright..Better than normal I'd think. Just waking up to pull the small blanket back on.
I woke up the next morning around 10:30am and then I woke my dad up. We went up to my grandma's where I cooked my breakfast and we ate together at the table. After, we went by where BH works to get the money, which flaked as I mentioned earlier..Bitch.
Anyway the power was turned back on around 2:30pm and I screamed when it did (after two days of no power, who wouldn't?). Then me and B made plans to go bowling and swimming after. I mentioned a pool party at 5. Somehow all this got fucked because B was hanging with his friends..so I finished my room instead. Zebra comforter, small dresser and mirror, desk, posters, all set up and to my liking. I went from a flower comforter, bare walls, and a too small vanity to my Tiana-fied room. Now my lava lamp's on and my other lamp is dimmed. Very relaxing setting.
HEY THERE. long time no comment. but don't despair. ppl is readin yer shit. re: this post and others, fer instance, my thoughts are that you rock for keepin yer cool head amidst all this boyfriend-breakin business. idk what sorta problems B's got goin on, or who his friends are, but i wouldn't worry bout any of that anymore. if he "tried" a breakup w/ you prior to now, that's prolly when he decided things needed to be over. a big fat emotional step back is prolly a real good idea on yer part, and it's awesome yer stayin strong. i'm super-glad yer keepin on track w/ yer meal-plannin--and just in general ENJOYMENT of meals--for the most part. we can't be perfect all the time, whatever "perfect all the time" would be like. i shoot for meeting goal 85-90% of the time. if i "fuck up" 10-15% of the time, hey, who cares; prolly it's good for me anyway--that's called variety. what i don't need is the guilt and shame that comes with THINKING i have to be perfect all the time, when in fact that's bullshit, impossible, and boring anyway. ;) oh, yeah, one more thing: there's not a single thing wrong w/ you or yer body if you can't have an orgasm from just sex by itself. most women can't. that's why all heterosexual males should go thru an intense training course wherein they learn the necessary techniques of a lil sumpin called "clitoral stimulation"; all women thereafter would benefit, imhfo. lol.
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