An Amazing Sleepover

Yesterday was..amazing.
I woke up and I had ballet rehearsal for one of the recital's finale's. That was 1-2. Then I went home and rinsed off the grossness and greasiness from my hair not being washed. (I scum it on the weekends)
Then I ate and got in my bathing suit and secretly packed some other stuff.
My dads a truck driver and he was going out on an overnight ride so I decided to stay at my boyfriends. (B)
I stayed at B's once before over Easter break. We don't "do" anything.
Like I said, our relationship isn't like others.
We just chill hard and it so fun because it's so comfortable and 0 weirdness and you can be yourself with someone who..defines half of you. So it's a perfect fit.
Before he picked me up I was jittery. I hadn't seen him in a day away from a week. Longest ever gone. I was ready to grab him and kiss him and coo about how adorable he is and just stare at his face and smile like I did Monday when we went to the movies.
But..I got in the car and everything changed. It felt like I was being picked up by my best friend. Only a friend..not my boyfriend. I started to get scared cause the feeling lasted almost the whole night.


He picked me up and we went swimming at the lake near where he lives.
After a bit we came out of the water and he wanted to lay out in the sun. I don't like the sun so I layed in my chair with my towel over me and we were laughing and joking around and he was pulling the towel off me.
Then I suggested we go to the pool near where he lives just for fun. So we went and we went swimming.
We were goofing around underwater and swimming back and forth. Then we left and went back to his house. I was getting discouraged at how he was talking. A comment and something else was giving the vibe he wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore.
We got back to his house and he sat at his computer with music on like normal and I sat on his bed like normal and the door was open like..not normal.
He said he was waiting to eat. So he ate and I had an apple.
Then we got the bug zapper and set it up on the back deck attached to his room and we sat outside and talked about the times he got high and why he quit weed and why I want to try it and that he'd do it with me and blah blah.
Then a deer came up and we got bread and fed it, It ate right out of our hands!

It was that close. So cool.
Then we went inside and layed on his bed and kissed and kissed and things didn't feel so much "friend" anymore, but they didn't feel normal..
I wasn't getting the usual spark..and I don't think I did at all while I was with him yesterday and today. It scares me.
We layed there and I was telling him how I was scared and how I didn't full trust him anymore and we were talking about what would've happend..how we felt. I was crying a little. He was too. It's what I needed. Some sort of closure to the whole situation and I guess I understand but I'm still scared. Scared scared scared...That word has been used too much lately about all of this...
After that we watched MonkeyBone then we went to the tennis court nearby at around 11:30pm.
We turned on the huge lights and hit the ball back and forth. It was honestly really fun.
I always seem to have the most fun when I'm with him.
We walked around the court and since it was humid and the light was attractive, bugs were appearing on the tennis court floor and we were looking at them and stomping on mosquito's and moth's.. it was brutally fun. (Literally)
Then we went back to the lake. This was awesome. We sat on the lifeguards high high wooden chair. (Yes it was big enough for the both of us) and we put our heads back and stared at the stars and just talked. And talked.
About the stars, the planets, the unknown, us...
It was a true moment. I told him how I wish I could freeze it and put it in a bottle because it was just so perfect. The gentle breeze, the view, him being there.

I'm not gonna detail about the night cause I frankly can't remember what we did for 2 hours..I think he played a video game and I watched (I love watching him play) for a bit, then I think we just layed there and talked..
We went to bed at 4:30am and I kept waking up and finally I gave up and got up at 7:30am. If I was lucky I maybe got an hour of sleep and I'm still running on that one hour, no naps to this moment- 11:13pm.
He took me home at around 9am so I could sleep but when I got home I couldn't sleep for my life even though I have been 100% exhausted all day. Somehow I think I can last even longer right now.
So I took a shower instead. Ed was on my mind all morning. I woke up and I was starving so I had an apple. Then he took me home and I just held off for 2 1/2 hours till 11 so I could eat at my scheduled time in my head. All day I've just been hungry and I did overeat a bit but even after that..I'm just still hungry. I don't get it..
But I'm going to go to bed because I'm at the point of tired where everything is delayed and I can't walk without running into something. xD
Hopefully..I can sleep.