WELL. I am beyond stunned. I came on my account today and saw comments. It's like...I can't even process how good that feels. To have readers is just purely beyond awesome. But comments is just like no words. It's like an honor. Getting a medal. Especially because it's encouragement and positive words. One comment was anonymous which was just WOW. Someone finds my blog and comments. I hope this keeps happening because it's just so..again I can't find a word. xD I'm just overjoyed.
Anyway, a little update because I didn't post yesterday. My dad let me skip the recital last night and I didn't go to the pool party. It was chilly...Why is it so chilly. It's summer. It's late June. I think mother nature's soul was corrupted.
Anyway, I went out with B and we went to the park and talked and goofed around and went on the swings and merry-go-round. Then we went to the lake and watched the water and talked and chilled. Then I went home. Fun eventful day, huh? I was really tired though.. I think it's because I slept past 12pm. I think I'm gonna set an alarm for like 11:20 or so. Why 11:20 instead of 11:30 (which would make so much more sense). When I open my eyes at 11:30 and a second later it's 11:31, it might as well be 12. 11:20 is the perfect balance. 11:00=too early. 11:30= too late. So BAM outsmarting time, and uselessly babbling.
Today for Father's Day- me, B, B's mom and stepdad, and my dad went white water rafting. It was fun, but freezing because MOTHER NATURE IS GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE. And some asshole kept throwing buckets of freezing cold water on everyone's rafts.. I came home and ate and took a hot shower and now I'm relaxing on my couch with the windows open next to me. The people who live behind my dads apartment basically like..live outside. I hear them talking and when I look out, there's two preteen girls playing catch. It's comforting to see other people so content with doing something like that. Like actually getting off their butt and going outside to do an activity. Unlike me- the girl who sits on her couch all day everyday on her laptop or watching a movie.
I made an interesting discovery last night... I was sitting on the couch like usual and I was just bobbing my head side to side. I caught myself doing it and I told B. He told me I do that all the time and he was really surprised when I told him I didn't even realize it. He said I might have ADHD because I get bored within 3 seconds of silence and I get irritable from it. I can't pay attention to more that one thing at a time, and my mind jumps to different things so fast. I researched it and I came up with bipolar disorder. I read the symptoms and I have every one and I was like eh sure whatever. I'm not one to self diagnose but I like to have an idea. Then I found out bipolar disorder was linking to eating disorders-one of the most common being binge eating disorder. My mouth kinda dropped with that fact...
My mom always made references to my dad having a bipolar disorder, I just can't remember if she was saying "I think he has," or "He has." It was years ago.
I don't know but it really freaks me out because that would make so much sense. Why my moods are the way they are, why I get depressed for no reason at all, why I don't need a lot of sleep.
Makes me wonder...
I'm glad you had fun, for the most part, on fathers day =) I absolutely *hate* when mother nature is late with summer! OR early with winter! It infuriates me! Lol. But.. often if she's late with Summer, she's late with winter too, so it balances out a bit.. or at least hopefully!
ReplyDeleteEating disorders themselves can cause you to feel like that hun, the lack of nourishment, means that your brain is being starved. That's where a lot of lack of concentration comes in.. It gets worse the lower you weight goes and the less food you eat. It's like being in your own little mushy bubble. But, Bipolar is often found in eating disorderd people, yes.
Maybe you should talk to your therapist (T) about it. She may know how to 'test' for it.. I would imagine she'd have picked up on it by now though? Or go to your doctor. T's can see the signs usually, but I think your doctor would be the one to diagnose... Really though, I hope it is just the side effects of the ED (because there are *many*, physical, emotional and mental), because at least with recovery, it will get better.. bipolar has to be managed with meds, life long, I believe.. so I hope you don't have it x
I also get very much ADD (ADHD is attention deficit *hyperactivity* disorder), I don't have the hyperactivity (unless I ingest caffeine! which I imagine is the normal response, lol), when I'm immersed in my ED. Food, or lack there of, really does control and mess with a lot, like *everything*, because *EVERYTHING* within your body, needs *fuel* to function.
I hope you figure it out though hun x
Yeah me too :\ but like you said, it balances.
DeleteReally? I didn't know that. You're helping me a great deal!
I think my T was picking up on it because she would constantly ask me how my moods were and how I managed with my swinging moods and how I felt, etc.
I'll ask her tomorrow.
Wow, really? That makes more sense then.
Thank you for helping clear things up! Even if it's not full answers, it definitely helps.
Yah, you should definitely look into it further, find out where the problem lies.
DeleteI'm glad I'm helping! =D sometimes I wonder, 'should I have said that?', you know?
But, if you have *any* questions, or just need to talk, I'm always here... Just email, or message me on my blog. E-mail addy should be on my blog.. If you don't want to leave a comment, or want to ask something private, you can always friend me on here. I *think* you might have to be following to friend though. Lol, I think I'm tired! :P
I'm going to and don't wonder, just write what you feel down. [:
DeleteThank you again, but I can't find a follow button. :[
It's right at the *very* bottom of the main page =)
DeleteAnd you don't have to sweetie, it's just to send a friend request, you have to be following. But, since I'm following you, you should be able to send the request, but I can't initiate it, unless you're following me, lol.. very weird.. but I also find all the odd 'prove you're not a robot' character thingies very weird, I love this site, but I'd love it more without those! Lol, I honestly have to refresh like 15 times before I find one I can read well enough to type in!! :O lol