trapped and trained by vicious minds.: Just an Update

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Just an Update

Ugh..All day.
Home alone. Ed kept snaking in.
Recently I just feel hungry. Even after I just ate, and I'm pretty sure I'm eating a good amount.
I don't get it but it's just giving Ed a nice little slot there to fill up.
Ever since I slept over B's. I left after I ate supper and I didn't eat my usual snack later, i had small ones throughout the night.
And now I'm just always hungry even though I ate the same yesterday and today..
I hope it stops.
I joined this website called PrettyThin today, my boyfriend found it for me but I didn't realize I already made an account, just never went on.
I was looking around and found a chatroom, at first it didn't look like they were even talking about eating disorders, but then I went in and after a bit, I started talking to some people.
It was amazing to hear someone say they understand what I'm feeling. I don't know anyone else with an eating disorder so I always felt alone.
I got to help a girl, get advice, and talk to people who understood. This site I think will help me in my recovery because everyone I talk to listens, but they don't understand. Even if the people can't talk with me, reading about it and relating to it will make this alone feeling lesser.
Crossing my fingers.

2 comments:

Me DestruitJune 18, 2012 at 10:18 PM
=) I'm so glad I randomly went in that night, I had never been in there either, even though it's a hugely known site.. I may have been years ago, but yeh.. I'm glad I met you! =D
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Summer 2012 "About Me" (No Longer Applies)

I'm Tiana. (Tee-On-Ah) I have anorexia and binge eating disorder, ocd, depression, anxiety, derealization disorder, insomnia and I self harm. I'm 16 1/2 and my birthday is September 11th. I have a boyfriend who I've been with since October 20th, 2011. When the summer ends, I'll be a Junior. I'm an avid reader, getting a new book is like getting a brand new shiny piece of jewelry. Books are another word in the palm of your hands- an escape. I also write. I remember as a kid I said "Who would want to be an author? It takes so much time." I find it funny because now I just get lost in my mind and the words flow swiftly in the right way. I've been taking ballet since I was 4, and I'm going to spend the next two years becoming more familiar with Pointe. Next to that, I also go ice skating for fun. I started ice skating when I was 10 and I just had a natural bond with it. Might have resulted from ballet and high skill with in-line skating. ;D I'm a 100% movie fiend. I take Broadcasting Communications in school and I intend to go to college for it. I want to do something in that business whether it be acting, directing, photo/video editing, and/or photography. When I'm not dealing with my Ed, I like to think of myself as adventurous. I love finding new things, in my mind or in real life. I have a huge mind that holds a massive amount. I'm very creative when it comes down to it. I love unique things and I like to stand out. People are just so boring. I'm a tomboy. I love jeans and hoodies and tee-shirts and video games. Maybe that's why I love Autumn. Cause I get to wear all that stuff and since it's not nice out- I get to sit inside and play video games like the lazy ass I am. xD Also, I'm not fond of the sunlight or warm weather, at all. I absolutely positively am 100% incapable of judging. If someone told me the most fucked up thing about themselves or something they did, I would not be able to judge in the slightest. I have this view on everyone. Everyone is so beautiful, every part of them. Everyone has beauty in them.

Highest weight:
163 lbs
Lowest weight:
116 lbs
Current weight:
120-125 lbs
Height:
5"5 1/2

I have very long dark brown hair that's naturally straight but I straighten it anyway, and straight bangs. Green/gray/blue/yellow eyes. Pouty lips. Pale skin. I never take off a black stretch choker, a Sapphire heart necklace, small silver hoops, my "Beautiful Strong" bracelet (see blog "The Bracelet"). My hands are always painfully dry and I hate the way lotion feels and smells and gets on everything so I just deal. I used to paint my nails because it just looks awesome but I became too impatient to wait for them to dry and they chip the next day so I just gave up. Thumbs up for pointless info.

Climbing The Ladder

Starting diet: Yogurt and fruit.
June 22- Started walking and doing situps everyday.
June 23- Added Chinese back into my diet.
June 25- Added tuna back into my diet.
June 29- Got my period and started lifting 10 lb.
June 30- Made it a week without quitting added foods. July 2- Added bread and egg whites into my diet.
July 8- Added white chicken breast into my diet.
Current diet as of July 16:
Egg whites, Weight Watchers Whole Wheat bread, 97% Beef Franks hotdogs, Weight Watchers chicken breast, CHOBANI plain yogurt, fruit, vegetables, shrimp, tuna.

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