Small Breakdown of My Family

I have a 19 year old brother who I'll call J in my posts.
Ever since I was born, J showed resentment toward me. I went above and beyond to get him to like me. I would do stuff for him(clean his room, leave him alone, etc.) just to get a hug.
In school there was a small school stand that sold cute school supplies for younger kids. When I had a free dollar, I would buy him little trinkets that were green because that was his favorite color.
I yearned to have a brother who wanted to be my friend. Where we lived, it was all boys. No younger kids, so I was all alone.
He would push me down when I was learning to walk. As we got older, he would scream at me about how much he hates me and I would frequently get the two popular comments, "Go to hell," and "Go die."

His room is next to mine at my moms and he liked to blast music. I would have to tell him frequently to please use headphones (he never did), and to please turn it down (only did when my mom yelled at him). I only asked him to turn it down when I was trying to sleep, doing homework, or had a headache. (I had frequent headaches growing up)
I recently found out he hates me because he thinks I'm spoiled and get everything I want. I thought about this. When I was little, I did get a lot of stuff because my parents had the money. I don't remember what they got, but regardless-I was a child. It honestly wasn't my fault my parents got me a lot of stuff. I wasn't aware, I was a child. He has a mistaken mind in my eyes. And it hurts that he's always hated me because of that. I think the reason I have such horrible, deep lying issues with the fear of rejection. I feel like if I don't make people happy I'm not worth it.
I just realized this. I grew up with a brother who from day one, did not accept me even when I did everything in my power.

 I have a 23 year old half-brother who I'll call C.
He has a different father who's a jackass who put credit cards in his name and maxed them and C got all the dread. He's had a more fucked up life than me. He used to be bipolar toward me, but he didn't permanently hate me like J did. He hugged me and joked with me sometimes. Now that he's grown up, I can talk to him about a shitload of stuff. He listens and he's down to earth, but he's also out there too. There's something different about him. He's a real person and I love him with a big part of my heart.

My dad is fucking awesome. He's down to earth and he's real. He says it like it is and it's easy to talk to him. He's like a best friend. A widely knowledgeable best friend and I love him more than I can say. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him for a dad.

My mom...this difficult, impossible being.
I honestly think there's something mentally wrong with her. She talks to herself, and makes up these scenarios in her head she sticks with no matter if she's proven wrong. I always thought there was something odd to her.
She's a compulsive buyer. She complains constantly about bills but she buys a load of shit on the side that she doesn't need.
She guilt trips me like there's no tomorrow. I tell her I need something (i.e. food) and she flips and lists the price of every bill she gets and I feel like it's my fault everything costs so much. She makes me feel guilty for asking for fucking food.
That's not the only guilt tripping she does. She does it with everything. You can't talk to her because if you do, she lists all her problems over your problem and makes you feel like shit for being upset over something. She doesn't help you out.
There's good parts to my mom. But I've learned the good parts aren't worth waiting through the bad parts anymore.
And that's why I live with my dad.