The Kids and a Salad

My next door neighbors (who I mentioned in my post "My Story") are all home schooled and always have been.
Priscilla and Rachael graduated already. Rach just graduated from college..I can't believe it.
Priscilla graduated last year.
Then there's Caleb, Kristy (14), and Josiah (16).
I've known all them since I was 3.
They have a ceremony at this church across from the mall. It's all Christian-based.
Caleb graduated today. Ever since I've known him, he's determined. He gets stuff done when it needs to be done and he goes above and beyond what he needs to do. I envy his love for God and how he knows who he is. His creativity and his friendliness. Never fake. He's a true example of a genuine person.
Me and Priscilla we're the best friends out of all of them. They're all my added family.
I called them "The Kids." I don't know where it came from but that was my term.
But I can't be personal with them. They were just always there. Always friends.
Everyday after preschool, kindergarten, 1st grade to maybe 6th grade. When the mall and boyfriends started. When I turned into a teenager and all of us grew up more and stopped playing so much.
They were the only things that got me through my horrible times as a child.
They were my escape. Into pretend worlds, creative games.
 They had slideshows for the various 6 grads of the homeschool group.
When they got to Caleb, there was a picture of Priscilla, Caleb and Josiah really really young. And I knew them then. Tears immediately came because I missed that so deeply and I was so thankful at that moment for their existence in my life.
The parents came up and made speeches. And even the grads I didn't know- seeing their parents tear up during the speeches and what they had to say.
It made me tear up. I was biting my lip hard during the ceremony, especially during Caleb's slideshow and speech.
Every parent and every grad talked about how fast time goes. And I was thinking the same. It's hard to accept how time goes faster and faster every day. It feels like yesterday I was outside making houses in between the trees at the end of my driveway with The Kids. I wish time didn't go so fast...


I got a Berry Almond Chicken Salad from Wendy's on the way back from the grad ceremony. I thought today I could do it. I could have a little chicken and a little cheese and a little bit of almonds.
Ed was fighting with me the whole way home. "You'll eat it and you'll gain weight. You know you will. It's unfamiliar, it's bad." I kept pushing it out of my mind until I got home and I opened the container. I picked up the chicken and inspected it..I have to. For fat. And I pulled it apart and it looked like fat but I wasn't certain...I shoved it in the back of the fridge and I'm going to throw it out when my dad goes out.
I can't. I know it's Ed. But...There's fat. It's not safe.
But it just...I ate those things like hell last summer and I fell in love with them and I really really want one...It's so good. It looks so good...

Ed...get the fuck out of my head. You're ruining my life.