I feel sick. Like I could literally throw up.
It's shit like this that sets me on the edge. Of a panic attack, a razor across my wrist, the heavy desire to rip my hair out, the never ending urge to swallow all of my pain pills.
My ex boyfriend moved away last summer. He just moved back today and we were talking about getting together to catch up. I found out he's going to be working down the road from my dad's and since I don't do shit here anyway, why not walk down and chill for like a half hour sometimes?
Honestly, I feel so beyond weird calling him my ex boyfriend because I went out with him when I was a kid. 12. It was hardly even a relationship. I feel bad looking back at it. I was so mean to the kid. He just liked me so much I felt so bad. But I only went out with him because I felt bad for him and he was a real good friend so I figured it wouldn't be torture. I know that sounds horrible..
But I asked B is he was alright with it and he said yeah. He was questioning why I was even asking him. Then when I explained that I don't want him to feel uncomfortable, he said "I'm not gonna be that boyfriend, you can hang with whoever you want."
Then he realizes ohshit that's your ex. Now he's accusing me of trying to cheat on him. And he's trying to make it sound like I didn't ask him. "I am NOT fucking okay with you hanging out with your exes, how stupid do you think I am?"
I'm legit like terrified and morbidly pissed. He always does this.
I'm terrified cause he tried to break up with me before for a misunderstanding. But like I keep pushing it out cause if he tried to break up with me because of this? That's fucking stupid cause there's no issue. Like really all I'm saying is what the actual fuck?
He's assuming literally everything and making up stories in his head...Again.
I get his point but all he simply had to say was, "Wait I just remembered he's your ex boyfriend..I'm not that comfortable with it now."
OKAY. THAT'S ALL. I WON'T HANG WITH HIM. Oh my god like...what. Really. Fucking what.
Did you tell him that you won't?
ReplyDeleteI mean, that's stupid, like you said, you were TWELVE! A KID! It was a silly boy likes girl thing, not like, hard core feelings and love and shit.
Maybe explain to him that he's over reacting? And why. Tell him how it was 'between' you and this boy. That you don't care if you don't see him, just that you're trying to make friends again and have friends in your life.. like, be normal. Like, he must be totally insecure? Coz really, there's *nothing* there. He should see that, honestly. And he should *know* that you wouldn't cheat on him, anyway! Like, really!
Good luck x
Of course I did..he knows I wouldn't.
DeleteAnd exactly! I don't know..I just wish he would have seen it before lashing out.
Thank you so much, I'm glad you see it!